I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
