you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
