6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
