Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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