Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
