were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
