I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
