watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
