I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just took my morning after pill in the library
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
