She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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