I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
