she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
