so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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