i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
even my farts smell like vagina
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
