dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
