I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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