you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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