The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
