The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's shark week go big or go home
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
