having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
