So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
