She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
