you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
