According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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