I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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