I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Boobs speak an international language.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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