I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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