what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
