you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
