The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
