i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
