i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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