I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
