Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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