We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
