I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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