whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
