I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
