Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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