It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
