i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
vagina is talking i cant
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
