dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
