Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
