Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
