Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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