There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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