Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
