please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
