So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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