Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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