You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
