Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
