i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
