We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
