Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
